When I was 19 I married a person I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. He was intelligent, fun and grounded. Little did I know what I was in for. We were married for 20 years when I had finally had enough of
being belittled, verbally and emotionally abused as well as alienated from the outside world or that which he
could not control.
We had three beautiful children with many and varied interests, raced sled dogs competatively (I was ranked 20th in the world). I became the chief sled dog trainer which required 6 hours of daily training for 36 dogs, boarding and grooming business owner as well as nurse to his ailing 78 year old father. Oh, somehow, wife and housekeeper got mixed in there. It was "normal" for me to put in 18 hour days 7 days a week.
He worked outside the house and on weekends told me that he needed a nap for a couple of hours each to recover from the week and made little effort to help in any capacity except to expound how I should be able to
"work smarter not harder"!
Did I mention he was having an affair with my best friend's daughter? Just before our 3rd child was born he informed me that he didn't think he could handle any more children and wanted me to have an abortion.
I told him that was out of the question. He stopped speaking to me after that and started looking elsewhere
for "comfort".
After several years of marriage councelling I decided that I'd had enough. I told him in March of 1986 that I was taking the children and moving out in June after they had gotten out of school for the summer. He laughed and
said I'd change my mind because I wasn't tough enough to be on my own.
June came, my neighbor helped me move what few things I had to move for the kids. I took nothing for myself because of the bad memories they harbored. I had never in my life been on my own and, at the time, I had
no income. I had to leave to save what was left of my self-esteem.
I sent out 80 resumes and finally landed a job with a major brokerage firm. Interesting since I had not worked outside the house since 1966 and the last time I worked with computers they were using keypunch cards. I had
a LOT of catching up to do to say the least. I went from a temporary position as cashier to an administrative assistant to the largest producing broker in the office. I stayed there 10 years.
With each small success came the validation that I was an intelligent, quick, and gutsy person who WAS tough.
I raised my children to be leaders and to question authority, even me. If they could successfully argue why they should do something they were allowed to do it but they also had to deal with any errors in judgement so they would learn to make good choices in life. Of course I was there to support them but they have grown to be fine adults that I'm very proud of.
I have never regretted the decision I made 20 years ago. I believe, in my heart, that it saved my life.
Kathy
New Hampshire
I Finally did it!
My story began a few years ago when I was working as an Administrative Assistant to the Art Director for a
local magazine. I worked there for a little over 2 years and I was laid off. I was crushed. I knew that was the environment I belonged in. It took me five years to get back into Publishing and I finally did it - And I love it -
I love my position - I love the people I work with and I enjoy coming to work everyday!
Kristine A. LaRochelle
Andover, MA
